Homer Simpson Quotes


-Ooh, they have the internet on computers now!

-Homer no function beer well without.

-Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals...except the weasel.

-I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

-Here's to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems.

-When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

-Wha..ch.. Marge, thats the rhinestone nights fashion gun! I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing!

-I'm writing a delicious send up of Mr. Burns for his birthday. Is poo poo one word or two?
-Hey Flanders! You smell like manure!

-Moldy... Old...? I'm gonna get something to eat!

-Two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun.

-Mmmm... 64 slices of american cheese...

-You bet your sweet... ass!

-I'm wizzing with the door open, and I love it!

-No!... Well, yes.

-Yeah. He appeared before me in a dream, and I knew that was special because I usually dream about naked... Marge.

-Kids, let me tell you about another so-called wicked guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas. He didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was... I forget. But the point is... I forget that, too. Marge, you know what I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car?

-No offence Apu, but when they were handing out religions you must have been out taking a whiz.

-Maybe, but you don't know Lisa, I mean she's so smart they hooked her up to a big computer to try to teach it some things, but she had so much knowlege, it overloaded, and then it got really hot and caught on fire!

-Give me all of your balloons!...I hope this works!... These are for you if you let me use your cherry picker!

-Do you know how many memories I have? Three! Standing in line for a movie, having a key made, and sitting here talking to you. 38 years and that's all I have to show for it.
-Stupid movies! Who invented these things anyway? Was it you Bart?

-Really? A restaraunt? Well now I dont know what to believe.

-Reading about this Edison character. They wont let me in the big people library down town. There was some... unpleasantless; I can never go back.

-I think it's pretty obvious that I am... Go to School!

-He misread my pee! He misread my pee-ee!

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